Please Select a Reason for Your Clothing Return – The New Yorker
(Check all that apply.)
â¢ Unhappy with item color.
â¢ Unhappy with item style.
â¢ Happy with item color and style, but unhappy in general and
projecting onto item.
â¢ Happy with item color and style, but removing item required a warmup
stretch, a can of WD-40, and a four-day juice cleanse.
â¢ Item arrived defective.
â¢ Item arrived defective at reproducing euphoric rush of purchasing item
thirty-six hours ago.
â¢ Not satisfied with size.
â¢ Not satisfied with fit.
â¢ Not satisfied with size or fit because accidentally purchased a ferret
â¢ Size and fit perfectly fine, but still disappointedâperhaps because Todd
was right: nothing is ever good enough for me.
â¢ Item requires total overhaul of current Spanx inventory.
â¢ Package arrived too late.
â¢ Package arrived too early; startled by package.
â¢ Item not as described.
â¢ Item exactly as described, but purchased just for the colorful tissue
â¢ Drunk now.
â¢ Item either arrived damaged or is supposed to have these shoulder
cutouts for some reason.
â¢ Item too large.
â¢ Item too small.
â¢ Item somehow both too large and too small; designer appears unfamiliar
with general shape of human-woman torso.
â¢ Changed mind about item.
â¢ Changed mind about item after accidentally lighting item a little bit on
â¢ Too flammable.
â¢ Not flammable enough.
â¢ Item clearly designed by someone who hates fabric and wants to make it
â¢ Thought item was shirt; actually dress.
â¢ Thought item was dress; actually replacement cover for IKEA EKTORP ottoman.
â¢ Item no longer needed.
â¢ Item no longer needed; and, yes, item smelled like B.O. and favorite
perfume when it arrived.
â¢ Item not as pictured. In fact, item not at all ideal for leaning against
unfinished wood ladder in middle of windy wheat field.
â¢ Bought by mistake.
â¢ Bought by mistake after scrolling through Facebook profiles of
acquaintances until a deep ache radiated inside my chest.
â¢ Found a better price somewhere else, on something else
entirelyâsomething that makes me feel more alive than a beige ribbed
turtleneck ever could.
â¢ Wrong item sent. Right item doesnât exist. Right item is a lie.
Satisfaction is an illusion.
â¢ Order arrived missing whatever it is that one needs to confidently wear